Post by Kiernan on Jun 9, 2013 20:49:11 GMT -5
[Begins Late evening, 47th of summer. Geoff only.]
'Bills,' thought Geoff, sorting through his mail. 'Where are the bills? All I'm finding are complaints in here. I only blew up one building this year! Isn't that improvement enough?'
After sifting though everything , he found something that wasn't a complaint. It was a yellow slip of paper, which the Post Office used to inform you that you had a package. Geoff looked over to the front desk. Usually, the Post office was closed, save for the locking boxes, after 5 in the afternoon. So it came as a complete surprise when Geoff saw a young mare behind the counter.
"Excuse me, Miss," he said, approaching her. "This says you have a package for me?"
The mare took the ticket, took a few moments to look at it, then disappeared through a door. When she came back, there was a parcel between her teeth. "Here you go," she said, giving Geoff a smile.
Geoff picked up the package tied up in brown paper. It was addressed to "Daddy" Bloodstain.
"This isn't mine," he said, handing it back. The young grey pegasus looked at the parcel, then the ticket, then back at the parcel.
"Oops, my bad," she said, taking it back behind the door. "I just don't know what went wrong. Maybe I read the number upside-down."
Geoff looked back at the ticket. How anyone could read the number 69 upside down was beyond him. "Yeah, that's gotta be it," he said back, trying not to sound rude.
"This should be it," she said, dropping a second parcel onto the counter.
This new parcel read 'Prof Geoff,' so he knew it was his. "This is mine, yes. Thank you miss..." He looked at her nametag. It read, 'Hello, my name is _____' "Your nametag is blank, miss..."
The cross-eyed mare looked down at her nametag. "Huh. Guess I forgot..."
Geoff stood there for a few more minutes, before realizing that he wouldn't get her name unless he asked for it specifically. "Well, thanks for the package," he said as he left through the front door. When he got outside, he opened it up.
For the next five minutes or so, he walked down the street, wondering who sent him a box of extra-large firecrackers, why they sent them to him, and how they managed to get explosives through the mail in a place as safe as Equestria. His thoughts were interrupted by a voice behind him.
"Excuse me," said the rather burly stallion, running to catch up with him. "Do you know where I might find someone by the name of Prof Geoff?"
"Yeah," said Geoff, turning around. "I'm Geoff. Where would you like me to sign?"
The stallion handed Geoff a permanent marker and a lead pipe. "Right here, please." With a quick lash of his tongue, Geoff signed the pipe and gave it back.
"Why do you have a lead pipe, anyway?" he asked, handing it back.
"Oh, No reason," said the stallion, taking it back. "Streets are empty tonight, I noticed..."
Geoff looked around. There was nopony in sight. It was a good thing there were no criminals in this part of the city, or they might have reason to be afraid. "Yeah, place is deserted. I don't even think we could be heard if we shou--"
*KWANG*
When Geoff awoke, there was nopony in sight. He couldn't tell what time it was, the back of his head was sore, and he had no idea where he was. He was completely in the dark. And whatever was covering his face smelled like leather.
He reached for his face, wanting to peel off the execution hood, but found that his hooves were now tied to a wooden beam. Even his legs were tied up.
"Hello!?" he shouted, then immediately regretted it. The sound waves were muffled by the leather, and what he had shouted went right back into his own ears, agitating his headache.
However, somepony must have heard him, because now he could hear hoofsteps approaching, presumably from a stairwell nearby.
"Ah, good, you're awake," said the voice from earlier. "I have a question for you. Why, after you signed my lead pipe, did you go and bend it? If you didn't want me to have your autograph, why didn't you just say so, rather than destroying my property?"
As the execution hood was ripped off, a bright light flooded into Geoff's eyes. Through gritted teeth, he answered. "I didn't mean to break your pipe. I'll buy you a new one. Hay, I'll buy you a box of lead pipes. I'll even do your plumbing, just let me go..."
"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that," said the stallion, hoisting the wooden frame Geoff was tied to onto his back. "You see, Professor, every few years, we offer a virgin to the weather gods. It keeps them happy, and in return, they keep the sun and moon in a constant cycle, and bring rain to our crops so we can eat. However," as they reached the stairs, another stallion helped lift. "This year's sacrifice is no longer feasible, thanks to you. We needed a virgin, and now we have none."
"How is it my fault?" asked Geoff, as they reached the front door of the house. "I haven't been in a relationship in months. I don't even date!" Geoff saw, just ahead of them, a wooden stake driven into the ground, and a series of ponies lobbing firewood at its base. "I don't even know this virgin sacrifice of yours. I was under the impression that nopony did that sort of thing anymore..."
Together, the two stallions propped Geoff up, binding the beams to the frame already embedded in the ground. Now, even more ponies were gathering around, two of which were carrying a vat of oil. The oil was thrown onto the firewood, and onto Geoff's lower half. Now, the whole village had gathered around, mayhap 75 ponies. Mares, Stallions, and even foals had come to watch the event.
"Professor Geoffrey!" Shouted the stallion who had knocked him out. "You have been charged with the sin of defiling our virgin sacrifice! How do you plead!?"
"Not guilty!" shouted Geoff, writhing in his bonds.
"Guilty!!" shouted the entire village in unison.
"NOT GUILTY!! shouted Geoff, his voice cracking.
"GUILTY!!" shouted the townsfolk.
"By my authority as sheriff of the city of Hoofton, I sentence you to death by immobilization."
"Immolation," corrected Geoff. "Lighting me on fire is immolation."
For a few moments, nopony spoke. Then, the sheriff smiled. "I like that Idea better. Somepony bring the matches!"
'Oh, horsefeathers,' thought Geoff. 'I should have kept my big mouth shut.' But his thoughts were interrupted by a somewhat familiar voice.
"Here are the matches, Papa."
It was a young mare, couldn't be older than 20. For some reason, Geoff knew her face and voice, and that twisted smile she was wearing. But from where, he couldn't remember.
As the match dropped onto the firewood, igniting it, Geoff racked his brain for some way out of this mess. His fur was starting to singe as the fire licked at his hooves. He looked back down at the mare, and suddenly, as if the pain in his hooves made him think faster, he recognized her. She was a student of his, at one point. Two months ago, she had stayed late for extra credit and...
'Oh, no...
As his coat caught fire, he shouted out to the crowd. "I'm sorry! I never meant to soil your virgin sacrifice! If you let me go, I'll find you a new one!" A false promise, if they let him go, he would get himself thrown in the dungeons at Canterlot castle for his own safety. "Let me go, I'll do whatever you want!!"
Suddenly, the cracklingof the firewood wasn't all Geoff could hear, but also some rather loud hissing. Just as he was starting to wonder what it was, he heard a loud BANG!! and felt like he had just been hit with another lead pipe, this time in the hip. This was followed by another, and another, in rapid succession. Geoff screamed out in pain as the explosives he had received the previous night... exploded.
This was it. Even if they could take him down now, his legs were useless, Both were charred, both were hanging on by a thread. He wasn't even sure if he still had a tail. His body went numb as he slumped over. The concentrated weight caused the beam to break, and he collapsed to the ground. As he looked up, he saw the moon part from the sun, and he smiled.
'There,' he thought, as he closed his eyes for the final time. 'Now they have no reason to kill me...'
[Goodbye, Geoff. If only you hadn't scored...]
'Bills,' thought Geoff, sorting through his mail. 'Where are the bills? All I'm finding are complaints in here. I only blew up one building this year! Isn't that improvement enough?'
After sifting though everything , he found something that wasn't a complaint. It was a yellow slip of paper, which the Post Office used to inform you that you had a package. Geoff looked over to the front desk. Usually, the Post office was closed, save for the locking boxes, after 5 in the afternoon. So it came as a complete surprise when Geoff saw a young mare behind the counter.
"Excuse me, Miss," he said, approaching her. "This says you have a package for me?"
The mare took the ticket, took a few moments to look at it, then disappeared through a door. When she came back, there was a parcel between her teeth. "Here you go," she said, giving Geoff a smile.
Geoff picked up the package tied up in brown paper. It was addressed to "Daddy" Bloodstain.
"This isn't mine," he said, handing it back. The young grey pegasus looked at the parcel, then the ticket, then back at the parcel.
"Oops, my bad," she said, taking it back behind the door. "I just don't know what went wrong. Maybe I read the number upside-down."
Geoff looked back at the ticket. How anyone could read the number 69 upside down was beyond him. "Yeah, that's gotta be it," he said back, trying not to sound rude.
"This should be it," she said, dropping a second parcel onto the counter.
This new parcel read 'Prof Geoff,' so he knew it was his. "This is mine, yes. Thank you miss..." He looked at her nametag. It read, 'Hello, my name is _____' "Your nametag is blank, miss..."
The cross-eyed mare looked down at her nametag. "Huh. Guess I forgot..."
Geoff stood there for a few more minutes, before realizing that he wouldn't get her name unless he asked for it specifically. "Well, thanks for the package," he said as he left through the front door. When he got outside, he opened it up.
For the next five minutes or so, he walked down the street, wondering who sent him a box of extra-large firecrackers, why they sent them to him, and how they managed to get explosives through the mail in a place as safe as Equestria. His thoughts were interrupted by a voice behind him.
"Excuse me," said the rather burly stallion, running to catch up with him. "Do you know where I might find someone by the name of Prof Geoff?"
"Yeah," said Geoff, turning around. "I'm Geoff. Where would you like me to sign?"
The stallion handed Geoff a permanent marker and a lead pipe. "Right here, please." With a quick lash of his tongue, Geoff signed the pipe and gave it back.
"Why do you have a lead pipe, anyway?" he asked, handing it back.
"Oh, No reason," said the stallion, taking it back. "Streets are empty tonight, I noticed..."
Geoff looked around. There was nopony in sight. It was a good thing there were no criminals in this part of the city, or they might have reason to be afraid. "Yeah, place is deserted. I don't even think we could be heard if we shou--"
*KWANG*
When Geoff awoke, there was nopony in sight. He couldn't tell what time it was, the back of his head was sore, and he had no idea where he was. He was completely in the dark. And whatever was covering his face smelled like leather.
He reached for his face, wanting to peel off the execution hood, but found that his hooves were now tied to a wooden beam. Even his legs were tied up.
"Hello!?" he shouted, then immediately regretted it. The sound waves were muffled by the leather, and what he had shouted went right back into his own ears, agitating his headache.
However, somepony must have heard him, because now he could hear hoofsteps approaching, presumably from a stairwell nearby.
"Ah, good, you're awake," said the voice from earlier. "I have a question for you. Why, after you signed my lead pipe, did you go and bend it? If you didn't want me to have your autograph, why didn't you just say so, rather than destroying my property?"
As the execution hood was ripped off, a bright light flooded into Geoff's eyes. Through gritted teeth, he answered. "I didn't mean to break your pipe. I'll buy you a new one. Hay, I'll buy you a box of lead pipes. I'll even do your plumbing, just let me go..."
"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that," said the stallion, hoisting the wooden frame Geoff was tied to onto his back. "You see, Professor, every few years, we offer a virgin to the weather gods. It keeps them happy, and in return, they keep the sun and moon in a constant cycle, and bring rain to our crops so we can eat. However," as they reached the stairs, another stallion helped lift. "This year's sacrifice is no longer feasible, thanks to you. We needed a virgin, and now we have none."
"How is it my fault?" asked Geoff, as they reached the front door of the house. "I haven't been in a relationship in months. I don't even date!" Geoff saw, just ahead of them, a wooden stake driven into the ground, and a series of ponies lobbing firewood at its base. "I don't even know this virgin sacrifice of yours. I was under the impression that nopony did that sort of thing anymore..."
Together, the two stallions propped Geoff up, binding the beams to the frame already embedded in the ground. Now, even more ponies were gathering around, two of which were carrying a vat of oil. The oil was thrown onto the firewood, and onto Geoff's lower half. Now, the whole village had gathered around, mayhap 75 ponies. Mares, Stallions, and even foals had come to watch the event.
"Professor Geoffrey!" Shouted the stallion who had knocked him out. "You have been charged with the sin of defiling our virgin sacrifice! How do you plead!?"
"Not guilty!" shouted Geoff, writhing in his bonds.
"Guilty!!" shouted the entire village in unison.
"NOT GUILTY!! shouted Geoff, his voice cracking.
"GUILTY!!" shouted the townsfolk.
"By my authority as sheriff of the city of Hoofton, I sentence you to death by immobilization."
"Immolation," corrected Geoff. "Lighting me on fire is immolation."
For a few moments, nopony spoke. Then, the sheriff smiled. "I like that Idea better. Somepony bring the matches!"
'Oh, horsefeathers,' thought Geoff. 'I should have kept my big mouth shut.' But his thoughts were interrupted by a somewhat familiar voice.
"Here are the matches, Papa."
It was a young mare, couldn't be older than 20. For some reason, Geoff knew her face and voice, and that twisted smile she was wearing. But from where, he couldn't remember.
As the match dropped onto the firewood, igniting it, Geoff racked his brain for some way out of this mess. His fur was starting to singe as the fire licked at his hooves. He looked back down at the mare, and suddenly, as if the pain in his hooves made him think faster, he recognized her. She was a student of his, at one point. Two months ago, she had stayed late for extra credit and...
'Oh, no...
As his coat caught fire, he shouted out to the crowd. "I'm sorry! I never meant to soil your virgin sacrifice! If you let me go, I'll find you a new one!" A false promise, if they let him go, he would get himself thrown in the dungeons at Canterlot castle for his own safety. "Let me go, I'll do whatever you want!!"
Suddenly, the cracklingof the firewood wasn't all Geoff could hear, but also some rather loud hissing. Just as he was starting to wonder what it was, he heard a loud BANG!! and felt like he had just been hit with another lead pipe, this time in the hip. This was followed by another, and another, in rapid succession. Geoff screamed out in pain as the explosives he had received the previous night... exploded.
This was it. Even if they could take him down now, his legs were useless, Both were charred, both were hanging on by a thread. He wasn't even sure if he still had a tail. His body went numb as he slumped over. The concentrated weight caused the beam to break, and he collapsed to the ground. As he looked up, he saw the moon part from the sun, and he smiled.
'There,' he thought, as he closed his eyes for the final time. 'Now they have no reason to kill me...'
[Goodbye, Geoff. If only you hadn't scored...]
